Key's to CONSISTANCY

 As teachers and parents, we have always heard "consistency is the key". It seems simple. But first, you really need to ask yourself "what does consistency mean?" and "am I the type of person who can be consistent"? 

What does consistency mean? The dictionary defines it as a "steadfast adherence to the same principles, course, form, etc."  Consistency is something that most would equate with a positive, but I have seen the dark side of consistency. Adults can consistently be late, stressed, angry and unhappy. You have to identify what the word means to you as a parent or teacher to understand what it really means.

Can I be consistent? You get out what you put in. If you want to lose weight you have to work at it. Well, if you want a well behaved child you have to work just as hard. Are you the type of person that can be consistent? Just like every child, adult's have their own personality quirks. Some of us can't even discipline ourselves enough to put down the doughnut. How can we teach children things we don't even understand or practice ourselves. So, am I saying if you are an inconsistent adult you can't teach your children discipline? NO, their are some simple ways each person can achieve harmonious consistency in their family.

• Be yourself but be consistent. Each person is different and children are smart. Some people are strict while others are laid back. A laid back person can't change to a military style disciple plan all of a sudden. The children will see right through them and more than likely the adult with lose steam and give up. Children lose respect for parents and teachers who are not genuine to themselves.

• Consequences have to be real. For example; If you tell your child that if they don't behave at school they don't get to go to the movies with the family tonight, and the child comes home with a bad report. What do you do? You have put yourself in a no win situation. Either you cancel movie night and the whole family is punished or you go to the movies and the child learns nothing and you lose authority. Punishment should fit the crime and cause the child to learn in the process. In life, there are consequences when we don't follow the rules. We have to instill REASONABLE cause and effect relationships. If you can't uphold a rule don't make it. 

• Know what behaviors you find unacceptable. Do you remember before you had kids and you would see someone's kid in the store yelling and screaming at whatever parental unit had the bad luck to have spawned such a monster and you said to your self "when I have kids...". Well, now you are that parent and that child writhing on the floor and screaming is your spawn. You have to have a plan for what behavior you will allow and what you won't. My husband was raised in house where you didn't speak unless you were spoken to by an adult. I believe in including children in discussions, of an appropriate nature, and using it as a learning experience. We compromised. When the child wants to speak they have to raise their hand and the adult will decide weather or not the child can participate in the conversation.
 

• Chose your battles. I find that adults will antagonize a student/child in order to flex their "power" muscles for the adults own ego. This becomes a power struggle and you end up loosing any authority you thought you had. This may be hard for some people to admit, but it is true at one time or another for most of us. You ever remember hearing "because I said so" come from your parents mouth? By putting the child on the defensive, you are causing yourself and the child unneeded stress. Think to yourself, "how would I react to being treated the way I am treating my child. By putting yourself in their shoes you see things a lot clearer. Everything does not have to be a power struggle. Sometimes purposeful choices and reverse psychology can make a situation go the way you want without a battle.

Raising children is the most awesome responsibility that anyone can have. Children are amazing and they should be molded into the people we want them to be. Everyday will present itself with new and difficult situations; be strong and don't give up.